Evening Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's top entertainers devoted the broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the new plan that permits foreign nationals to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. A government portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to wealthy immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.